A Shit Weekend….Mommy make it stop
1/21/21 Thursday
Oh thank god !! Finally we got some snow baby !! This will be the first weekend that we can actually ride. I can’t wait… should be a great time. The guys that are going are the following, Stefano, AJ, Curt, Ray, Uncle Tom, Jeff Hanson, Steve Hough, Douggy, Uncle Don, and Doug Stedfeld. Should be a great time. Everyone has been waiting on snow for this year… we thought it would never come. I had a dentist appointment and then I was on the road to meet Stefano and Doug at the sashabaw exit. Doug was driving and Stefano and I were riding and telling bullshit stories. It was a pretty uneventful ride up, we did stop at the cheese house exit 181 (no snow here) to pick up some cheese and sausage. MMM…. Delicious… Can wait to get there. Took a few roadies for the road… life was good. Doug pulled off at exit 264 …FREDERIC MICHIGAN THE SNOW CAPITAL OF MICHIGAN!!! FUCK YA !!! Stopped at the B&B to gas up and take a piss… holy shit there is a lot of snow here !! Can’t wait!! This is going to be great!!... Curt and AJ are already at the place putting in AJ’s studs… talk about last minute planning but hey at least he won’t be sliding into anyone. Got to the place and it was just like I said… curt and AJ were installing studs on AJ’s sled. We unloaded our gear and then were were very excited to install out new UClear communicators!!! oh these are gonna be sweet. After charging up the communicator and fishing all the wires thru the helmet I put on my helmet and was trying to see if I could hear anything. Uncle tom was loaded as usually and came over to me like a curious deer and asked what was I doing… I tried to explain to this intoxicated fool that I was testing out my audio on my helmet. Well, Uncle tom thought he would help me by slapping the back of my helmet repeatlly until I had to lash out and yell “hey dickhead, will you stop doing that” He seems confused by this but stopped and retreated to the garage to irritate curt and AJ. Alright, back to the communicator… unfortunately you have to down load the software that takes 4 fucking hours… shit… well, fuck that…. Let go ride. Where to boys… suit up we can here to ride and that’s what were gonna do. Let’s meet Douggy and Steve at the hide-a-way for some beer and wings. Got to the hide a way and walked in… don’t forget your mask!! What ? covid … oh Christ ok… we wait at the front door to be seated in a outdoor tent because you can’t sit inside,, you have to sit outside. What a load of shit… we wait for 10 minutes with our stupid masks on and no one sits us… wait? Where is douggy… sitting in the tent already drinking beer. Hey,, where you going to get us ? doug: “ I just figured you were in the bathroom” Me: “all of us” doug: “yeah” ok well let’s sit down and have the girl with the big boobs get us a pitcher of beer and some wings. Sounds good. We ate wings and watch idiots at the other tables. It was great. Back to the cabin to finish the night. On the way back AJ decided he wanted to test his medal againt the biggest dog in the pack, the mighty 800R skidoo… We lined up on Cameron bridge and let rip… well,, AJ got the jump on the ol girl and in his excitement, proceed to fly off his sled at 80MPH and send the patriot missle into the trees… oh shit !! turn around to see AJ trying to unstick his sled… Are you ok. Yeah,, I’m alright,,, I guess I should know not to mess with fastest sled. It’s ok,, I hope we all learned something today. Go ahead son, fire up your sled and let’s go home to have a beer and talk about your day.
1/22/21 Friday
Well, after a blissful night sleep we are ready to go out today and have some fun. Yesterday was just a warmup… today is the real deal. Man, my sled is raring to go. Hopefully today will have minimal problems. I talked with Captain Doug and Captain Stefano last night in the situation room about where we wanted to go today. Looks like we might head south and on 679 toward Houghton lake,, have lunch at the Limberlost and on the way back stop in grayling for a 4 course meal. Should be a real nice easy day. Let’s gas up these pigs and head out. We start out the day for Frederic, the snowmobile capital of Michigan. We head down the road and get on 679 east to the B&B in downtown Frederic. We pull up and jeff is ready to go. This is his first snowmobile in a while and he bought a 2017 Arctic cat 8000 ZR. Sounds impressive enough, but will it have enough to get around the skidoo Heavy metal fire breather ? only time will tell. Everyone is gased up are ready for battle… we blast down Cameron bridge right back past the cottage and things are looking good. Start down 79 south right past the new dingmans bar. Never saw it but I heard it’s nice. We stop on the other side of M72 just to get a head count and hey would you look at that… It’s Douggy and Steve… hey guys what’s up. Douggy “where going boondocking” I said good deal where heading to Houghton lake… Have fun. We have roughly 30 miles on our tanks of gas so no need to top off. When we get to Houghton lake we can fill up. Blasting down 79 at ridiculous speeds and snow flying off the machines like flies scatting from a bug zapper. We are really going. Hanson looks good on his 800, curt is in the back on his riot, doug in the back on his xrs, don is in the middle of pack on his 800 skidoo, Stefano up front on this 850, I’m in the back on my 800 taking video, and uncle tom is on the 1100 turbo. We get to a fork in the road and it says trail 6… ah.. trail 6 that’s we have to go. Take a right… down trail 6 for a while… hmm… we’ve been on this for ever. i wounder how far Houghton lake is… my odometer say 70 miles now on this take of gas…. Ok… everyone stop… let’s figure out where we are. I pull out my phone and look. Oh shit… (group) what’s wrong… well,, it looks like we went the wrong fucking way. Here’s the deal guys… were 30 miles in any direction from gas. I got a gas can with us but it’s only 3 gallons. So that means 1 of us is getting out of here alive. What do we do… keep going east to Cadillac or head back to Houghton lake? Well, I know there is gas in Houghton lake… Houghton lake it is. Uncle tom “ what’s the problem?” well tom, we have roughly 30-40 miles until some of us run out of gas… Tom: oh, well my gas gauge doesn’t work. Yes I know most of ours are not accurate either… Tom: so how do you know we need gas ? Me: simple math tom. ok let’s get going. We head back as the miles click off toward Houghton lake… looking down at my odometer… says 85 miles… shit… we need a short cut. I look up as we cross a main street “7 Mile” hmmm… 7 mile runs east/west across the north side of higgins lake.. hey wait they have gas on the north side of higgins lake. Ok follow me guys,,, I know this is a road but there’s enough snow on the shoulder… or so I thought… 5, 6, 7, 8 ….. 10 miles later… what the fuck is this shit… In front of us what M55…. M55 that runs east/west… Ok everyone pull over. Me “ I’m not sure we went the right way guys… god dammit !! where the fuck are we… Shit!! Shit ! Shit!! … Curt “well, someone took us down a road for 10 miles” Thank you curt for the observation… by all means if you know where the fuck to go, don’t hold back. Let us know which way to go…. Curt “silence” ok, doug Stedfeld “ray ride my machine and use the GPS, I can’t see it” ok… look like we got to cross 55 and head east.. I crossed the road and someone yells on the communicator “stop stop uncle toms sled won’t start” what !!?? now what? Jesus … can we get a fuckin break here !! Curt “Let me look at it” ok looks like a loose connection…. Vrroomm !! ok back running… thank god… Doug S “1, 2, 3,,… “ blood pressure coming down…. Ok, back rolling again across M55 … now were heading east on a side street… lots of snow so not too bad. Shit… dead end… let’s take the power line to M55 … Shit Turn around guys … let me look at the map… ok, turn around I see a trail that might get us closer to the trail… man, this trail looks bad… trees down all over… Fuck !! Turn around we can’t get thru guys… Doug S “1, 2, 3…. Fuck “ blood pressure come down a hair… guys we have to go south about 1-2 miles and cross the Muskegon river to get to the trail. What ? AJ “you know I’m low on gas right” yeah… got it… south 2 miles and now heading east toward the Muskeagon river…. Sign on the side of the road says bridge out… Maybe that just a old sign… Stefano “ hey fuck it keep going” we get down to the river and guess what, the fucking bridge is out!! God dammit !! man !! Don “ lets try to water skip this fucker” I don’t think so,,, ok guys turn around … 2 miles west now… Communicator “wait up wait up” Doug S “FUCK WE DON’T NEED THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!!” Don got his snowmobile stuck in a snow bank… I can hear him and Stefano frantically out of breath “lift!!” oh finally… doug is ready to blow!!.... Ok guys let’s head back to M55 we don’t have a choice we are going to have to run the road 2-3 miles to get across the river and back to the trail. As luck would have it, we did infact cross the river and made it to the trail… shit 110 miles on the odometer… hmmm getting worried and still no gas. As I crosses the street there were some people waiting on the other side… Ray “hey, do you guys know where any gas is at ?” the guys says “sure about the way down the trail a few miles and when you get to the pavement take a left” oh thank god. Ok guys, this guy told me where to go. Just a few more miles to go. We ride and ride… nothing…. Nothing… where the fuck is this paved road…. Son of bitch!! Where the fuck ? oh wait 115 on the OD…. Pavement !! but which way ? shit pull over I gota look at the map. Ok,,, looks like it’s a few miles… I’m still on Dougs XRS when I pulled over on to what I thought was solid ground. Well, I was wrong,,, I start the sled and move 5 ft… oh shit… this sled is going down .. oh FUCK!! IT’S IN THE DITCH… OH DAMMIT!!! I get off the machine as watch it as it decends about 3 ft down… thankfully the ski is sticking out of the water and the tank is above the water line.. I shut it down quick. Doug Stedfeld is Pacing back and forth… talking frantically to himself…. Hanson “I think he’s going to pop” … Doug as he walks past the carnage in the loudest king kong scream…”FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!” well, that went well,,, now how do we get this thing out… wait I have a strap…. Get everyone on this fuckin strap… 1,2,3, heave!! 1,2,3 heave!!... oh thank god we got it out.. Doug S “I ride my sled now thank you” ok doug have it your way. I lead the guys down the road to a party store that it right on old 27 on the west side of Houghton lake… GAS!! Oh thank god… !!! Curt “hey that sign on the pump say 89”… Ray “I don’t care if it’s old piss mixed with diarrhea, were filling up” Curt “ ok mr negative you need a snickers” ok,,, your right,, I’m a little ragged right now. Stefano “oh Madonna !! my ski is fucked up” everyone “shut the fuck and deal with it, put some gas in your tank, we’re riding back” Stefano agreed reluctantly.. ok guys, suit up… we’re heading back, I had enough fun for one day…. On the trail 7 north back to grayling I decided to let ol jeff hanson have it… on the straight away along the I-75 I passed that pussy like he was standing still… when we got to the stop sign jeff had a defeated look on his face and I said “you don’t like being passed do you fella?” he stated to cry and and blubber … I told him to knock that shit off and grow a set. Ok,,, that last part I embellished a little. So we made it all the way to spikes bar. Doug S “hey lets stop and have a beer,, and my oil light it on” ok … we stop at the bar and they said… “ah, sorry we can’t take you until 7:30” oh fuck that…. Ok guys let’s go… we pull out onto the trail and we wait.. wait…. Where the hell is anyone ? Turn around … Don’s sled won’t start… Really more shit sandwiches…. We turned around and pulled back into spikes … there’s don, curt and they have dons sled apart… oh great now what? Oh,,, I see a headlight Curt “just had to beat the starter” ok,,, can we just go home now… We head back on trail 7 to Frederic… The trail is like it was bombed out berlin during the war. Holy fuck!! This is bad… can we just get home. Sign up ahead. Frederic… oh thank god. Stefano “let’s stop at the swamp and have a beer” Tom “let’s go home” Jeff “lets go home” Don”where are we?” Ray… “stef, let’s just go back” Stefano finally says ok. Let’s go back. We roll into the WBL around 6:30 and everyone is beat as shit. We fire up the grill and Stefano makes some o-la-nato… oh man like if good again.
ONE MORE HONORALBE MENTION: I took curts keys home and had to drive back up sunday....Mother fucker !!
2021 Highlights and/or Lowlights
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